I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
