I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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