i think my mom watched the whole time
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
