So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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