hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
