I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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