he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
