who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
