Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
