Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
