i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
