I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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