Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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