Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize