This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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