im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
