pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
