So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
