i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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