3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
