I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
