He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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