i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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