Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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