I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize