I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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