Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
