A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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