is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
