i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
