ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
