That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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