remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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