Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
