You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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