I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
