chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
