lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
