I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
