i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize