Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
