I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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