someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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