Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
