Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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