the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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