he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
