i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
