Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
