I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
