ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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