The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
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