eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
