I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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