so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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