Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
