his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
