I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
