we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
