break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize