I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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