I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
