I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When are your genitals available?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
