im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
