your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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