all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
