there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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