We won't sleep together?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
