I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
