my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
