Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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