I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
