My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
