Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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